My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
