I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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