Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
