I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
