we were pretty classy up until the second keg
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
