we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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