just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
