I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
