I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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