Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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