just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
