No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Randomize
