meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
