it's too hot outside to masturbate.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
