So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
so much tequila, so little girl.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
