she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
