When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
