i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
