You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i think i have two assholes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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