There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
