I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
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He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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