What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
