i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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