we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
