May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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