i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
