they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
do nipples grow back?
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