are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
