just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
