FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
