Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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