Ambien. No doubt about it.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
