areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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