hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
it was like eating out sand paper
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
