I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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