is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
