I got her a Nickelback box set.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
They are going to name an STD after you.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
