The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
