There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
