Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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