tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
