On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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