please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
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I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
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There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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