I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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