census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize