He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
