i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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