I skipped work to stalk him.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I love you. Go after that dick
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
