im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
