So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think a kid would responsible me up
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?