Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.