My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night