Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
