Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  You're a womanizer and a bitch.

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  (248): You're a womanizer and a bitch. http://tfl.nu/wf0c
  Replies (1) Good night (1086) Bad night (1104)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.

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  (914): Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way. http://tfl.nu/3diq
  Replies (49) Good night (4191) Bad night (1580)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How unfortunate for your Mom.

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  (847): My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein. (1-847): How unfortunate for your Mom. http://tfl.nu/e7p2
  Replies (33) Good night (760) Bad night (3746)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?

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  (412): Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option? (412): I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be? http://tfl.nu/cvc8
  Replies (82) Good night (2882) Bad night (630)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.

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  (812): her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time. http://tfl.nu/kowe
  Replies (8) Good night (3291) Bad night (561)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.

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  (740): It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex. http://tfl.nu/8qyg
  Replies (18) Good night (1047) Bad night (4767)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!

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  (518): I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!! http://tfl.nu/03oq
  Replies (21) Good night (4725) Bad night (907)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.

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  (847): At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know. http://tfl.nu/0yrr
  Replies (3) Good night (2249) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!

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  (717): I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?! http://tfl.nu/77lq
  Replies (7) Good night (1049) Bad night (3008)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.

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  (804): I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary. http://tfl.nu/ps0w
  Replies (6) Good night (1516) Bad night (736)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.

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  (662): She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list. http://tfl.nu/gj4y
  Replies (21) Good night (3389) Bad night (1011)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.

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  (901): Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing. http://tfl.nu/fm4c
  Replies (3) Good night (1160) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him

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  (215): I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him http://tfl.nu/j1cu
  Replies (4) Good night (1083) Bad night (458)
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  (310): View more from California

  We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating

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  (310): We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating http://tfl.nu/6jwq
  Replies (17) Good night (924) Bad night (1560)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.

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  (416): I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment. http://tfl.nu/fg5i
  Replies (2) Good night (697) Bad night (330)

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