Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.