just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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