im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?