just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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