Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
