Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
