I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
