i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
