I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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