yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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