I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
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I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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