Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
