i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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