Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize