Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
