my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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