don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
