He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
