$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You're like the curious george of whores
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
