you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
