I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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