Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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