Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
