his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
