I got chris browned last night
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
