There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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