Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
