kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
