tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
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can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
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I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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