I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
